The Bride’s Speech – Free Quotes, Jokes and Ideas

The Bride’s Speech – Free quotes jokes and ideas

Here are a selection of free quotes, jokes and ideas fro a bride’s speech.

Why does a woman work for 10 years to change a man’s habits, and then complain he’s not the man she married? – Barbara Streisand

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. – Dorothy Parker

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson

Husbands are like fires. They go out if left unattended. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

Most girls seem to marry men who happen to be like their fathers. Maybe that’s why so many mothers cry at weddings! – Jenny Éclair

I was at a wedding recently where the Bride gave a speech to thank everybody for their wedding presents. Unfortunately, she’d had a bit too much to drink, and, pointing at a shiny new coffee percolator, said, “And finally I’d like to thank my husband’s parents for giving me such a lovely perky copulator.

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it. – Shirley MacLaine

Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? – Virginia Woolf

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As ____ undressed for bed, her husband (who was a burly bruiser) tossed his pants to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your pants,” she said. “That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that, she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” She said, “That’s right and that’s the way it’s going to be until your damn attitude changes.

Three women were talking about their love lives. The first said, “My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated.” The second said, “Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful.” The third said, “Mine is like an old banger- he needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it’s still going.”

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

Every man should marry – and no woman – Bernjamin Disraeli

The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one’s clean linen in public – Oscar Wilde

Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet; In short, my deary, kiss me, and be quiet. — Lady Mary Wortley Montagu.